


The Dawn and All It Brings

by GenuineSoftBoy



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: M/M, Season of the Dawn, Yes i will post this kinda shit out of order forever im sorry, i dont plan for this to go NSFW, might extend into season of the worthy but dont know yet, soxkt force fed therapy, the bridge between Domino Effect and Matters of the Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26403622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenuineSoftBoy/pseuds/GenuineSoftBoy
Summary: Soxkt tells himself he is comfortably adrift in his complicated, rolling relationship with the Drifter even through the fights and unspoken things. But after joining the efforts to save a certain Titan hero from time itself, Soxkt's take on his own person and what he might owe to himself makes him wonder if he's drowning.
Relationships: The Drifter/Male Guardian (Destiny)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Trust is a Shotgun

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry if you are like a fan of my writing and you see me post this stuff from seasons ago unfinished and you're like  
> "bitch"  
> I don't blame you  
> The point of this is mostly to establish the major character shift Soxkt went through during this season and how it colored his relationship with The Drifter.

He had been anticipating this lecture. Even if Draknus hadn’t told him one-on-one earlier that week in preemptive preparation, he could’ve easily pieced together what was coming by the running group chat gag he was spamming anyways. Drifter was handing out a speech with the new gun. Something cynical. Something...unfriendly. He was well aware. It didn’t make the sting hurt any less though when the Drifter raised a hand, halting Soxkt in his steps a few feet from him, pulling the completed bounty from his fingers. Drifter was still smiling his typical, leaned against the railing without a care, and as he bent over a crate and rummaged around, it almost felt like nothing was amiss between them. Soxkt loathed how he felt the inches between them so clearly even when they were pretending to be normal.

Drifter tossed the shotgun and Soxkt caught it, momentarily forgetting the foreign gap between them and his initial stress, staring hungrily down at his new toy. He turned it over in his hands, eyes wide, only looking up when the Drifter cleared his throat after giving him a moment to salivate.

“Satisfied, hotshot?”

Soxkt nodded rapidly and Drifter grinned with pride. He continued to speak as Soxkt switched on the gun’s overlay, a small blue tinted holographic screen appearing between them, hovering just a few inches over the gun. “Nice and simple, ain’t it? Just like business should be. You make good on our arrangement. I pay ya handsomely. Nothing more…Nothing less.” Drifter waited and watched as Soxkt’s eyes pulled away from the array of numbers and gun features and found themselves climbing up to stare at the quote on the top of the hologram.

“If they let you get that close, they deserve it.”

Soxkt’s brow furrowed and the smile fell from his face as he read the words again and again. Here it comes.

“Listen kid…” Drifter paused as Soxkt looked back at him, stumbled by his expression. Soxkt wasn’t sure what his own face looked like right now. He just hoped it was something convincing enough to mask over the weird knot of hurt in his gut. Either way, Drifter regained his footing fast and continued his clearly prepared speech. “I’m tryna send a message to all Guardians with this here bounty. That includes you too. It ain’t nothin’ to ruffle your feathers at. I’m just tryna say that this?” He pointed at the shotgun in Soxkt’s hands. “Not a gift. It’s a transaction. And this?” He held up the completed bounty note between his fingers. “Ain’t us bondin’. It’s work. Business. A job.”

Soxkt stowed his gun behind his back, crossing his arms tightly, foot tapping restlessly as he listened. Drifter plowed onward before Soxkt could start drafting up a reply.

“’Cause the thing is kid? There ain’t no trust here. Not for anyone or anything. And there shouldn’t be. There’s only what’s real. You know what’s real here? This bounty note, that gun and us. You gotta understand that, yeah?”

“No…trust.” Soxkt deadpanned in a harsher voice than expected. Drifter’s eyes narrowed and he stowed the bounty note in his pocket, raising his hands defensively.

“Hey, let’s not get upset now. I know you’re thinkin’ bout how you proved all those times to me that you got my back. And I paid you well for all that, didn’t I? You startin’ to pick this up yet? Trust ain’t real. It ain’t tangible. I can’t hold it, squeeze it, put it in my pocket. What’s real is what I’m payin’ you. And what you’re giving me in return. I don’t want anything else driving this.” Drifter took a moment to breathe and Soxkt was keenly aware of how borderline desperate the rogue was to get this all out. For fear of an argument or for fear of feelings bleeding into things he didn’t know.

“So don’t take it personal. I can’t stop ya from doing whatever the hell you do in the name of trust anyways. Just…read the damn note on that. And don’t let some make believe story parents tell their kids at night start guiding you around.” He smiled. “You’re smarter than that, ain’t ya?”

Soxkt cocked an eyebrow. Drifter’s smile wavered.

“You’re at least damn smarter than your clan’s poster boy, yapping my ear off about ‘friendship’ and whatever.”

Thanks Draknus.

Soxkt’s shoulders slumped and he sighed dejectedly, seemingly in defeat. He saw Drifter perk up, relief evident in his eyes and his smile regaining its sleazy charm at the prospect of an easy victory. But it quickly dropped again as Soxkt closed the gap between them, reaching out and pulling Drifter’s hand out from where it was nestled in his pocket.

He held the hand by the wrist and Drifter stiffened, a hairline away from yanking his hand back. But he didn’t, not just yet. Soxkt examined the gauntlet, the sharp nibs on the knuckles and the blood stains that accompanied them. He pulled on the fabric of the gauntlet, glancing up for silent permission from the Drifter. Drifter continued his suspicious, tense stare but didn’t stop him, eyes only reflecting more confusion as Soxkt pulled the gauntlet off and tossed it alongside a cabal helmet resting on the worktable next to them.

“Let me…show you…something.”

Soxkt pulled Drifter’s bare hand towards him and pressed the curve of his palm against his throat. He didn’t press it firmly, he only coaxed the Drifter’s fingers to curl around his neck, making sure the area between his thumb and forefinger was fitted snug around him. Soxkt’s head tilted back slightly, making sure Drifter could feel his Adam's apple, his vocal chords, his pulse beating beneath the surface like a war drum. He kept his expression serious, eyes bright and watching, unflinching even when Drifter’s fingers instinctively flexed and pressed against the warm skin.

Drifter stared back at him, hesitating and unsure.

“What in the nine realms are you-?”

“Tangible. Real.” Soxkt spoke, voice roughed by the gentle pressure on his throat but words clear all the same. “Can touch…can squeeze.” Soxkt’s grip on the Drifter’s wrist relaxed and pulled away, handing back Drifter his control. “Trust.”

Maybe he’d just seen the good of other people too many times. Maybe his own life just meant so little to him nowadays. But he couldn’t buy the Drifter’s story, even if he wanted to. Trust existed in the actions of others. Those were real. Those were physical. It was more than just the matters of the heart or other such feelings bad people denied themselves. He had seen trust save the universe and build it up again. He was okay dying by this word if he was wrong. He could buy into a lot of apathy from the old Lightbearer but not this one, not this time.

Soxkt watched Drifter look back over his shoulder towards the entrance, paranoid of the empty corridors catching them in what was in truth a more innocent act than what the walls had already seen before. His gaze returned to Soxkt’s and he leaned close, his fingers curling in.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed, Starlight.” Drifter’s voice was dropped low, almost soft, almost sad, almost matching the worry in the lines under his eyes. His fingers didn’t let go though. 

Soxkt forced a smile. “By…you?” He rasped gently before the grip tightened, cutting off his airway, leaving his lips parted and gasping. He wanted to reach up and pry at the hand but he stiffened his arms, letting Drifter squeeze and squeeze.

“Only if you’re lucky.” Drifter kissed him fast and hard, pushing his tongue through his breathless mouth and letting go only as the kiss broke. Soxkt rubbed at his neck, pretending he wasn’t sucking in air with a bit of urgency. Drifter put himself back into his comfortable corner of the railing, snatching his gauntlet back and glowering at the floor.

“You believe whatever the hell you want to believe, kid. But you know where I stand. And if I hear one more peep out of your clan about this bullshit, you’re getting banned from Gambit for a week. I said my piece and that’s final.” He snapped, frustration tipping his words red hot.

Soxkt’s fingers lingered on his neck still, feeling his own heart race with misplaced adrenaline, watching the Drifter sulk and brood. Something was wrong and a braver man might’ve tried to find an answer. But Soxkt was a coward so instead he nodded and smiled and pretended he didn’t notice the way Drifter was watching him with a new hesitance that scared them both, pretended whatever just happened was something either could take back.

Soxkt exited back through the tunnel heading to the tower and as he walked off, the Drifter called out to him a line that was typical following the backs of Guardians that left here. But it rang differently this time and it did nothing to ease the ache in his chest. It would stay with him throughout the day just like the phantom fingers against his pulse. 

“I need you alive, brother. Be careful.”


	2. Time is a Shotgun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fellow clan member Sunika discovered traces of Light on the Perfect Paradox given to her by Osiris and she prepares to rally her clan mates to save someone who needs them

Sunika picked up the shotgun that Osiris handed her. The metal gleamed brilliantly in the light of the Sundial.

"I believe your Hunter friend forged a replica of this gun in The Lighthouse nearly 2 years ago. But this... this is real. And it has some strange light signatures attached to it." Osiris's voice was as dry as the surrounding desert but even it couldn't hide the twinge it held.

Sunika let him keep talking, in the meantime having Bolts scan the weapon to search for her own conclusions.

"The Light itself seems to be from several Guardians, yourself included.” Osiris continued, arms crossed. “But the biggest mystery is the age. It dates from the Dark Age, a period of time that you most certainly were not revived during."

This piqued Sunika's curiosity. She looked up from her evaluation. "An alternate timeline where Bolts found me early on?"

"Possibly. I am unsure but one thing is clear; this is the gun of Saint-14. My dear... old friend. I went and used the Sundial to search every possible timeline for him....and I found versions of him. But none of them were MY Saint."

Osiris paused, steadying his emotions. "If you wish to search for him, be my guest. However, be warned that I and hundreds of thousands of my copies scoured the timelines and failed. It would be unfathomable that a single Guardian could succeed against such odds."

Sunika smiled, looking down at the gun again. Bolts turned in his shell, having finished his own scan. "This is true Osiris. But I have something you did not." She said definitively.

Puzzled, Osiris looked into the young Warlock's eyes. He saw something, knowledge that he didn't have. "What did you see?"

Lifting the gun and letting Bolts transmat it to her inventory, she responded, "I won't be doing this alone. That gun's Light signatures match myself and two others. Two others who I know very well."

Turning around she made her way out of the Sundial's field. "I will be back, Osiris. And I will have my fireteam with me. In the meantime, prepare to see a miracle!"

As she walked out of the field she immediately transmatted to her ship and opened two communication lines. "Socks, Snake. This is a priority one mission. And only the three of us can do it." After waiting a couple minutes she checked her clan roster, and then sent another message. "When you finish with your compulsive Gambit addiction today, meet me in the clan hall. Snake, drag Socks with you if you need to. This is important." Bolts added to the message "Hope you're having fun!" before it sent

A ping popped up: "I don't tease you for your compulsive reading addiction and the way you never return the books I lend you because you're my friend and I love you, Sunika."

A second followed: "I will be there without need of force."

Snake, through Glass, simply responded: "I am already at the hall."

Sunika looked back at the roster. "Wow that was fast. I'll be there shortly, Snake. See you two soon. We have a legend to meet."

...

Sunika walked into the large clan hall, quickly grabbing a seat near Snake who was tucked into her mug of coffee. "You hear anything from Socks? Still finishing that Gambit match or is he flirting with the Drifter again?" Sunika teased, the rosy apples of her cheeks squinting her eyes as she grinned.

Glass phased in near Snake's shoulder. The Ghost looked down, and muttered "He could've crashed his ship."

Snake, pinching what would be the bridge of her nose, responded. "Hush, little one. I'm sure he knows how to fly a ship by this point."

Bolts materialized next to Sunika, "Wait, when was he known to not know how to fly? Has Ventriloquist been flying for him this whole time!?"

Sunika gently facepalmed. "Perhaps you can ask him yourself once he arrives, Bolts."

"I didn't feel like ever needing to bring this up but, for the sake of both our pride, Soxkt is an adept flyer at the very least." Ventriloquist's voice piped up in the clan hall as Soxkt walked in, Ghost hovering over his shoulder, still dressed in Gambit armor that was slowly transmitting away to a more familiar get up.

Soxkt exasperatedly scowled at his clan mates before grinning cheekily. "Gossip doesn't look good on either of you." he signed, shooting Sunika a look as he did so. "Especially from the one requesting my assistance in something."

Sunika's smile beamed as she got up and crossed the room, forcefully hugging Soxkt as he was signing, then holding his shoulders she looked him up and down earnestly. "No Drifter stupidity tonight, right? What Draknus told me yesterday worried me."

"You're gonna have to be more specific with what Drifter stupidity you're referring to." Ventriloquist commented dryly and Soxkt flushed, tossing a worried look at Snake and rubbing the back of his neck before quickly signing "You know, I have much more of a life outside of that man than you think." He tapped his fingers together nervously. "...What did Draknus say?" He signed quickly.

"Oh nothing mu-" 

Sunika was interrupted by Bolts who played a recording of Draknus' voice. "Drifter is handing out a new shotgun that has a messaged attached that Soxkt might not take well. I told Drifter to hand off a message for me but I doubt he'll do it. So just warning you in case Soxkt asks for help or anything. Also when you next see the Drifter I need you to just keep saying TRUST over and over again. It will annoy him so much!”

Sunika glared at Bolts before turning back to Soxkt. "...That."

Soxkt rolled his eyes, his exasperation real this time as he puffed air out of his cheeks. "He worries too much." Soxkt signed and then switched his expression to a calmer smile, patting Sunika's shoulder before continuing. "I'm just fine. I am a grown man." Soxkt unconsciously rubbed at the skin on his throat. Ventriloquist blinked it's mechanical eye, watching his Guardian, but eventually turned back to Sunika and Bolts. 

"Normally I'd bring up his being technically 5 years old but he's right- he's just fine. Now, I'm pretty positive we weren't dragged here to dig at his love life- sorry, sorry. Not love life." Ventriloquist rapidly backtracked as Soxkt glared stingily at his Ghost. "You said something important required us, Sunika."

"Ah, yes yes." Sunika said as she backed away and cleared her throat. She held out her hands as Bolts transmatted the Shotgun into them. "I don't know about you Soxkt, but I'm sure Snake will recognize what this is." She handed the gun to Snake to look over.

Snake signs a fast "Sorry" to Soxkt, before taking the gun. "You're right, I do recognize this." Turning it over in her hands, she motions for Glass to scan through it. "But where did you get it? This isn't the one I put together."

Sunika sat down, crossing her legs under her Warlock robes. "From a time dilation anomaly. The Red Legion's actions on Mercury created several time rifts and this fell out. Took some effort to solidify its bond to this timeline but once I did, we got that. Have Glass scan it all you want. Search for light wavelengths. You'll see why this is interesting... and you'll see why it needs to be us three who do this mission."

Sunika turned her head. "In the meantime! Soxkt, do you know who Saint-14 is? It's hard to have not heard his name at some point but I want to see how much you might not know."

Soxkt's head tilted a few times, looking at his Ghost who spoke up first. "We don't have much personal knowledge outside the basics." Ventriloquist projected a bust of Saint-14 in front of them, a blue hologram of the unmistakable helmet and mohawk. "He was considered one of the greatest Titans. He's admired as one of the best by near everyone. He died long before we were reborn though. I think that's about everything." Soxkt nodded along as his Ghost spoke, quickly signing "Unfortunately, it's not much I know. I've never really looked into him."

Sunika nodded in understanding. "Saint-14 was indeed a great Titan. That is without question. But his legacy is important, for we are standing upon his legacy at this very moment. You see Soxkt, he was the previous Titan Vanguard, the previous Vanguard Commander. Zavala's superior."

Sunika leaned back, stretching, preparing for a long story. "Saint was one of the Risen who built this very City. Him and The Speaker were so close they even called each other father and son. He's the one who defended the people against the first ever Fallen invasion of the City, as well as the one who killed every single Kell of the Fallen on Earth. And he is Osiris's best friend. When Osiris was exiled, Saint was hit the most by it. And it was in his effort to look for Osiris that he went missing, a mystery that we solved 2 years ago when we found his body on Mercury, drained of Light and dead amongst literal mountains of destroyed Vex."

Sunika looked at Soxkt, her passionate storytelling overflowing. "This man was one of the greatest Guardians in our history. And he was a personal friend of many of the people in the Vanguard, including Shaxx, Ikora, and..." Sunika looks over at Snake who was still looking at the Shotgun. "And our friendly Dark Age Hunter here."

"Have you found what I found Snake?" Sunika asked, leaning in. "If you need a hint, I am more than willing to answer."

Soxkt listened intently to the story, letting the words sink in before signing with carefully picked words. “I’ve heard Osiris has tried to do dangerous things to find Saint.” Soxkt hesitated, worry furrowing his brow. “I know he’s a good man, Osiris, and it seems such a shame to lose Saint. It just all...” Soxkt’s mouth tightened, fingers interlocking and Ventriloquist filled the gap. “He’s thinking its all hitting too close to an ideal that could really tear Guardians apart. The idea of deciding who lives and dies no matter what. I think it makes him- us- anxious.” Ventriloquist looked at the shotgun. “I’m guessing that ties in somewhat to this.”

Sunika looked away from the Hunter who was still peering with incredible intensity at the gun. "You’re right. It is an unrealistic ideal to keep all of our greatest alive. Sacrifices must be made, but sometimes-" She smiled in an almost dastardly manner, the kind of smile Soxkt had seen far too often on the rugged face of a certain man in the Annex. "-the universe gives us a perfect paradox to exploit. A small impossible causality that allows us to fix one mistake."

She looked back at Snake-2, turning her mischievous smile to the EXO. "I guess I should leave the data gathering to Warlocks after all, hehe!”

Snake-2 shot a glare at the human Warlock, before a smirk crossed her face. "Hunters survive with caution. We may look reckless, but we make sure to know the risks." She tossed the gun over to Soxkt without looking, assuming he'll react fast enough to catch it. "I needed to check several times, but I'm sure. This has my light signature, and Sunika's..." She points towards Soxkt. "And yours. I can maybe explain my own. But can you?"

"To clarify, Soxkt. All 3 of us have light signatures on that weapon! They are exact matches, except that they are dating back from the Dark Age. Obviously, neither you or me make sense for that kind of data. Unless you consider... that a time paradox has occurred." Sunika stood up and waved her hands around the room, almost dancing in joy and excitement. "And that's why we are together! We, the 3 of us, are going to go back to the point in time that this gun originates. And we are going to hand it to the great Titan himself. And in the process..." She looked to Snake-2 to finish her line of thinking.

"And in the process, we're going to give him the inspiration he needs to become the greatest Titan the city's ever seen." Rubbing her chin, the Hunter fell back into her chair. "It's been far too long..."

Sunika just sorta stood there for a moment then she frowned, almost a pout. "I was going to say we open the chance to alter time and prevent his death. I thought we were on the same page Snake... Damn it. Now the moment is ruined!"

After a lengthy pause, Snake looked up. "You're suggesting we pull Saint-14 out of the Infinite Forest before his death? I mean... theoretically, if we could find the correct one..." Quickly devolving into quiet mumbling, she trailed off, lost to her own thoughts.

Sunika turned back to Snake. "Exactly. The correct one is the question. A question Osiris has already decided had no answer. A Saint from another timeline would be unable to manifest in our timeline without serious life threatening reality binding. However, the key to finding the real Saint," She points at the gun in Soxkt's hands. "is right there. That's the original Perfect Paradox, and attached to it was another timeline's version of it. My theory is that at some point, Saint crossed a timeline during his battle with the Vex. If the three Guardians who match those Light readings were to bring it with them to the timeline that it came from, then we will almost certainly be able to find our real Saint-14. And then, we'll be able to reunite old friends."

Soxkt held the gun, slowly running his hand over it, listening to the two women back and forth. Ventriloquist began to speak, almost hesitantly. “Sunika....it you’re wrong about this opportunity, it could be extremely dangerous. Not to say this isn’t worth the risk but it’s setting a potentially scary precedent. We’ve dealt with enough crazies thinking that the universe owed them something and chasing it down only to destroy everything in their path before they realize it’s just their own greed pulling them along. And some never realize at all.” 

Soxkt’s hand froze and he drummed his fingers along the gun, gently. Ventriloquist paused talking as though listening before continuing. “You just need to promise that at the first sign of a snag or any sign that this is going wrong...we back out. Immediately.”

Sunika turned to Soxkt, her face going from excited to calm. "I understand I may sound insane, but I will not let my narcissism hurt my judgement. The moment anything goes wrong, we will retreat and reevaluate. You have my word."

Soxkt faced Ventriloquist, holding a hand out and the two seemed to be mentally conversing back and forth as the Ghost nestled into Soxkt’s palm, Soxkt anxiously rubbing the smooth edge of the shell with his thumb. Soxkt tossed the shotgun one handed to Sunika absent mindedly but eventually he looked up again, the Ghost vanishing from his palm. “Ok. I’ll help however I can.” Soxkt signed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A collab fic with my two clan mates. Also see what i did with the titles. did you. did you see. did you see what i did-


	3. Time is a Flat Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning from their first excursion into the past, Soxkt is shaken to his core and needs to be pieced back together best he can.

Soxkt was the first back into the clan hall, pushing through the doors, yanking the helmet off his head with anxious urgency, dropping it carelessly onto a nearby table. He began to pace quickly, not even noticing his Ghost transmat away his armor and guns piece by piece. His golden eyes were glazed over, distant. 

He had been quiet, even for him, from the moment they all entered the Sundial. He stood behind the two women the whole way through, only behaving boldly when the familiar need to run down enemies came up. And when they found Saint-14...he kept the distance between them, almost cowering away from the Titan at all times. His body shook when he was forced to enter the bubble to duck from Fallen forces. He couldn’t look at Saint dead on. Even at the end. Especially at the end.

And now his anxiety was on full display as his boots squeaked alone the smooth floors, echoing in the high ceilings. After speaking to Osiris and reporting in, Soxkt rapidly split off to arrive at the hall first, granting him at least a peaceful minute to panic in peace.

"Soxkt? Wow you got here fast." Sunika walked into the room, quickly sitting down gently on a couch. She watched Socket pace for a little bit longer before speaking up. "Did meeting Saint overwhelm you? Or was he not what you expected? What's on your mind, Soxkt?"

Soxkt didn't respond as he paced, chin resting against his hand, until eventually Ventriloquist swerved in front of his face, shell spinning rapidly. Soxkt jolted out of his stupor, blinking fast, and then looked at Sunika. His expression was set in a grimace. He shook his hand out quickly before beginning to sign. "Good people like him shouldn't doubt the Light like that." Soxkt paused, brow furrowed as his mind relayed a thousand different words to put to his feelings. His signing was hesitant, broken. "I don't believe in not questioning things but he seemed ready to give up on the Traveler and the Light entirely. He seemed ready to just throw this purpose and gift away. I don't blame him but..." Soxkt stared at the floor. "He was in so much pain. He shouldn't have been."

Sunika sat back, looking up at the ceiling. "You wouldn't know this, Soxkt, but the Dark Ages... they weren't like our times today. The Fallen were incredibly powerful. They weren't the broken houses they are today. After all, they broke because of that man himself."

She looked back to Soxkt. "Did I tell you about how he defeated the final Kell of the fallen on Earth?"

Soxkt shook his head. “I avoid looking at records of the past whenever I can. I know it’s important to look back and learn but I’m always afraid of having my present colored by what I could find.” Soxkt weakly smiled as he weaved a careful lie through the truth. “Not very Warlock-like of me.” He hesitated, biting his thumb nail for a moment but curiosity won and he moved over to the couch, sitting next to Sunika. “It’s different hearing it from another person though.”

"Very well then. And honestly it's quite simple." Sunika leaned forward smiling. "He headbutted the Kell. To death."

Soxkt blinked. “Violent.” His hands replied as he stared back at Sunika wide eyed, briefly abandoning his anxiety.

"Yup!" She leaned back, glad she knew how to get Soxkt's attention. “He was helpless. Restrained and held by the Kell's 4 arms. And with a single headbutt he killed the Kell. It was not 5 minutes later that he left for Mercury to find Osiris."

Her face turned serious, "But while it's humorous, there is something I want you to get out of that. You saw how he was while running from the Fallen, but if you look through history you would see that he not only tried again, he used his own fear of failure to push himself forward. Every failure only held him down for but a moment, only for him to come back so much stronger than before. And come next week, we will hopefully have it happen again."

Soxkt nodded along but his restless nerves reared it’s head again after too long as his leg bounced against the floor while he listened. As Sunika explained, Soxkt tried to smile along but it was tense. “I know you’re right. But I just like the past remaining in the past.” Soxkt stopped his bouncing leg, tucking his legs under him instead on the couch. “I don’t like to get into it much but it’s a blessing the Light strips us of our past because that’s where it should stay. I worry idolizing the sacrifices of Saint pushes us Guardians even more towards dangerous risks. Breaking ourselves.” Soxkt pushed a hand into his hair before signing again. “And seeing how much he suffered, even though he went on to do so much good, makes me think even more we are messing something up somewhere.”

Sunika closed her eyes, pondering how to approach this topic. "Sox... Soxkt." Sunika tried hard to pronounce the name correctly. She had trouble with it, something she wasn't proud of, especially since Draknus consistently made fun of her for not being able to pronounce a regular Awoken name. "The past is more important than ever. And while us being revived without memories is likely a measure to prevent us from wanting to remove ourselves from the world or trying to destroy others, I think that was a measure that was only meant to be temporary. Think about it. Aren't we meant to protect humanity? If so, how would we do it if we don't even know our enemies? Knowledge is power! We would never have defeated Hive Gods, won the Red War, or protected the Last City from the Fallen if we didn't look into the past and learn from the failures of the dead. This is true for everything. All human accomplishment was achieved thanks to the failure of the past, whether our own failure, or the failure of someone before us."

She carefully took Soxkt's hands in hers. "This is what makes us people, a philosophy that denies the sword logic of the Hive and the pure naturalistic philosophy that the darkness has been preaching through the orb you recovered on the moon.”

She looked deep into Soxkt's eyes. "Our past. Your past. Saint himself. This is what makes us different. If we don't look to the past and respect it, learn from it, then we are only following the rules of the Darkness. The rules of a being who believes that perfection is whatever kills most efficiently. Don't you think we should deny that? We deny that philosophy by taking the dead that the Darkness would discard as useless failures and using their ideas, their loss, as a means to succeed. This is why I believe that Saint should come back. Not just to save a hero. But to prove we CAN. To prove that the philosophy of a formless entity in space isn't the only truth of this world."

She let go of Soxkt's hands and stood up, opening her arms wide and smiling with glee. "We build ourselves a world we want to live in. There is no one entity who decides what is the truth of the universe. WE decide. WE make our own destiny and WE will each individually deuce what is right and wrong! There is no reason two ideas that deny each other can't both be true. For unlike the Darkness, we can co-exist with many different truths, many different ways of life. And if we decided that someone shouldn't have died, then we will save him from his own past."

She calmed down, setting herself back in her seat, looking straight ahead. Out the window sat a view of the Traveler, it’s broken shards still ever spinning around it. "Truth is like the Light. It's not one thing. You can use Light to create Electricity, Flame, or even the chaotic energy of the Void. We can turn it into physical items, or make it an ethereal force that effect the mind and soul. There isn't any one form, just like how there is no one truth. The only limit to it, is your own belief in what your truth is."

She pulls out a data pad suddenly, tapping on it absent-mindededly, focusing more on her speech. "In the past, there were many who believed in the concept of gods. Beings who created the world how they sought fit. Beings who created the world and made the laws that govern mortals. But much later on in the history of mankind, there was a rise in those who believed in only a single, all knowing, and always correct God. This particular religion denied the possibility of other gods, and followers of it would force others to follow them by threat of death."

She looked back at Soxkt. "But even that religion didn't start with that idea. It was a branch of another religion. A religion who believed in that God, but did not believe he was all knowing. They believed he made mistakes, just like any being does, and they believed that arguing with God was not just possible, but that it HAD to be done to allow him to improve in the future. For just like humans, God needed to fail in order to learn. But unlike us, he had no one like him to learn from, so his creations had to teach him what to do better."

She pressed one more button on the data pad and handed it to Soxkt. "The Awoken hold a very similar mindset to that ancient culture you know. In fact, I believe they are direct descendents of them. Their beliefs match so closely, they even denied the Traveler itself after all the blessings it gave to humanity simply because they saw mistakes it made and believed that blindly following its guidance was not the best course. And my case is only supported further by many Awoken names which closely resemble phonetics of the ancient language of this culture. Your name for instance."

On the datapad were several pictures of artifacts from the Dreaming City side by side with many images of items that were dug up from around Earth, many of which closely resembled each other. At the bottom was Soxkt's name alongside several symbols. "What I'm trying to get at with all this is... Just like how the truth of humans thousands of years ago, these religions changed over time and often co-existed with the truths of other religions. We in the present will be ever changing in our belief and understanding of the universe. No one answer is always correct. No one path is the best. And no one god can decide for us. We decide. We force our will upon the world as the gods of these stories did. And we each find our own answers among all the endless possibilities."

She took the datapad back and declared confidently. "And my choice, is that Saint-14 will not die. My truth is him in this Tower, making choices of his own. My truth is that time itself is wrong this time."

Soxkt watched Sunika, curled into a coiled ball on the couch, almost more enthralled with her and her contagious joy and curiosity than the words she’s saying. The urge to cut in happened many times but such is the blessing of closing your throat; the ability to listen. The images on the datapad pulled at a string in his chest and he knew there would be no words he could even speak that would explain why that scared him. 

As Sunika definitively wraps up her speech, Soxkt is quiet, hands folded politely in his lap as he uncoils slightly. Ventriloquist phased out from behind him. “Thank you Sunika. It’s a lot to ponder and let sink in. But Soxkt wants you to know that he thinks you’re right, mostly, on a cosmic level. But...” Ventriloquist and Soxkt make eye contact briefly. “There are always exceptions to every rule. Which I understand probably is a weak counter to your gorgeous monologue but that’s our cross to bear. Please don’t let that detract from how much we enjoyed what you said.” Soxkt stood up, stretching high above his head, before looking at Sunika. His expression was still a little wary but he smiled at her with incredible affection, reaching a hand out to brush a bit of hair behind her ear. His hand pulled back shyly and he simply signed “I wish I was reborn like you.”

Soxkt made his way over to one of the same large windows and he stared up at the Traveler and beyond it, staring at the sky that swallowed it whole. “Soxkt says...he says it’s a lot harder to follow an idea and believe in it than it is to follow people. A person’s purpose. A person’s will. Or the single unified will of a people.” His head drops slightly, staring at the pane he rests his arms on. “It’s scary to examine the past. It’s scary to find your roots. It is terrifying to think on the consequences of actions you can’t run from. And everyone and their individual truths is just a million more variables thrown into an already chaotic world. It scares him that your truths collide so sharply.” Ventriloquist turned so its eye was looking at Sunika. “It’s not a bad thing. Scary things are actually probably the best things in this world. But...Soxkt...he wants me to tell you he’s a coward. And he’s going to resist what scares him. For better or worse...” Ventriloquist trails off and he looks at Soxkt again before back to Sunika. “He’s overthinking again. I can’t decipher all this.” His tone brightened significantly.

Sunika's face is stern for a moment, londering, then her smile returns. She looked at the Ghost directly and said, "Then that is the truth he has chosen. And just like everyone else in our complicated world, it is also a correct as long as he continues to believe it." She looked back to Soxkt who was still staring at the window sill. "And if his belief in only looking forward ever wavers, if he ever changes his mind, then that change will be just another truth for you. No less real than the previous, and just as valid. You just need to believe in yourself and you can make whatever ideal or goal you want reality. Others can change us and our perspective, but you are the one who enacts your own will, just like everyone else."

With that, she turned around and headed out the clan hall doors. Right before the doors shut, however, her Ghost suddenly materialized and hung back, letting the door close in front of it.

Bolts turned around and flew to the Ventriloquist, their light bulb eyes looking into each other. Bolts spoke on the telepathic channel that only Ghost could hear, such that Soxkt would not be able to listen. "I apologize for Suno, she gets erratic and monologues like crazy when she has something on her mind. If she didn't make any sense or if your Guardian has been overcome by any sort of emotion from what she said, please let me apologize on her behalf."

Ventriloquist stared back and his tone was surprisingly clipped, cold. “My Guardian has been fighting a hard battle for a long time. Please. Don’t give apologies for her. It’s nothing he won’t overcome.” Ventriloquist floated back towards his Guardian, perched over his shoulder as Soxkt remained unmoved, two minds buzzing endlessly in a silent conversation.

Bolts floated there watching for a bit, trying to decide if he should push the topic. He decided against it. He believed in his Guardian. He believed in her philosophy just as much as she did, even though she had told him to make his own choices. "I will be on my way then. Look forward to seeing you again when the Sundial has charged." He then flew out one of the smaller windows and made his way back to his Guardian.

Emerging from a door further inside the clan hall, Snake-2 carries a mug of coffee over to Soxkt. "You may be quiet, but Sunika speaks loudly enough. I understand that this is stressful." She holds the cup out, as an offering.

Soxkt looked over, visibly seeming to settle in Snake’s wake. He gratefully took the mug, signing a quick “thank you” before turning to lean against the window sill and blowing on the steam rising from the mug. Ventriloquist peeked around his shoulder. “How did you handle seeing Saint again, Snake?” The Ghost asked, sympathy in his little metallic voice.

Snake leaned on the sill as well, using her Light to make the image of a mug in her hand. "Not that I have anything to compare it to, but I'd imagine not very well. An older Saint may have been more comforting. This one was... young. Too young, before we'd first met." She looked over the city below, with a sigh, before turning back to the Ghost. "I only hope he didn't recognize me through my armor."

"Did not? Will not? Has not?" she mumbled to herself, taking a fake sip.

Soxkt made a movement to put the mug down but Ventriloquist wordlessly pulsed his shell and Soxkt took some unsaid hint and continued to warm his palms against the mug. “Where are you standing on this whole thing, Snake? I know you were willing to come along but...a giant machine that allows Guardians to traverse time. To redial the deaths we see fit. I know we appreciate Sunika’s boundless positivity towards the past but it isn’t sinking into us. Him. Well, no, us. I’m anxious as anything.”

"I do miss Saint. And to bring a legend back into our world may just be the morale boost the city needs, with the Darkness on our doorstep. But..." She looked up at the newly awakened Traveler, and the remnants of the previous tower. "I don't know how he would feel about it. A lot has changed in the last century. Much of it because of him, even." Turning back to Soxkt, she matched his pose. "What's your take?"

Soxkt settled his cup on the sill, crossing his arms for a moment as his eyes, the line between his brow deepening as he thought. He stayed still for a moment but eventually pulled himself together to sign. “I don’t like any of it. I don’t like us deciding who gets a second chance. I don’t like dragging the past back to the current.” Soxkt drummed his fingers together for a moment before signing. “If we failed before, we live with what we did and push forward. Otherwise, everyone is gonna be trapped in wondering what if we saved everyone, anyone. What if we fixed everything we did.” Soxkt bit his bottom lip. “What if we stumble upon ourselves before we woke up?”

If she could, she might've had to fight back spitting out her coffee. "What if, indeed. Still, I suppose this is why we wear helmets." Glancing around the clan hall, she passed over the spots people usually sat at during meetings. "I wonder who among us would change their pasts. Though, while I'm not certain of the specifics, I don't think this 'Sundial' lets us freely travel. I don't know if anyone else could be brought back."

“Sigurd.” The word leaves his mouth before he can stop it. He pales, quickly wiping at his mouth as though to remove evidence of speaking it. He clears his throat roughly while Ventriloquist quickly fills the air. “Sigurd might jump at the chance to change things but he’s been around as long as you I think. He probably isn’t interested in what happened before being reborn. Either way, I don’t think we should put it past Osiris or even the Vanguard in seizing the Sundial again and seeing what we can do with it...all good intentions but I don’t think anyone can fathom the consequences.” Soxkt raised a hand, gently tapping the Ghost shell with a finger before looking at Snake. “Would you...go back?” He asked out loud, voice low and soft.

At Sigurd's name, she flicked her eyes to meet Soxkt's, before looking away again. "A lone risen could never be enough to change the dark age. Too much death, over too great a distance." Snake flexed her fingers, recalling the heavy weight of a handcannon. "I share the same concern that Saint did then. Strength may save you in the moment, but it draws attention. Makes you a target. Makes those around you a target. I would not bring an army, for fear of hastening the Red War, or Oryx's arrival, or any other threat. The Light gives us power, but turns us into a beacon." She looked over the clan hall again, with the faintest of smiles. "I don't doubt the light, but I do wonder how we'd have fared if the Traveler had left us alone."

Soxkt listens thoughtfully before smiling, turning to look at the floor. “You sound like...Drifter. But...hopeful.” He mutters quietly, shrugging off the twang in his heart, arms hugging himself.

"Hmph..." Tapping her fingers on the window sill, she set down her projected mug, letting it fade away. "It's been a few months, now. With all this talk of the past, I think I'll go pay Wu a visit." Snake put a hand on his shoulder, before quickly making her way to the exit. "Sorry to maybe cut this short, but if you need anything from the clan in the next few hours, ask Draknus about it." On her way out the door, she stopped for a moment. Turning back, she asked "You will be alright, right?"

That name sunk through Soxkt like a round through his chest, replacing the twang in his heart with a full blown gunshot of of juvenile jealousy. But he was happy to have it replace the much more stressful situation he was ruminating on. Still, he smiled big, putting his cup down and signing. “I’m always okay.” to Snake-2. He kept smiling, keeping eye contact with her, silently daring her to challenge his words, before picking his cup up, nodding at Ventriloquist to follow. “We’re gonna go research more paradox theory. Tell Drifter he said hi.” Ventriloquist called out as he rushed to join Soxkt’s side, levitating a book from one of the nearby tables over with a lasso of light.

"Bookcase 4, third row from the bottom. Big book, red with gold embossed spine. 'Rahool's Ruminations on the Infinite Forest', should be." She made her way out, making sure to close the door herself, rather than let it go automatically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering what the fuck Sunika is rambling on about, it's a shared theory between me and my friend that the Awoken are in some ways similar to Jewish people. Just FYI I suppose. Hope that helps lmao.


	4. Time is a Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soxkt returns from a Last Wish raid accompanied by the Drifter's voice. The Drifter hunts him down to pry into the little adventure they shared but Soxkt is...distracted.

It was only by the luck of the Traveler and the exhaustion in Soxkt's bones from the raid he didn't react in the way a Guardian should to having his arm harshly yanked, pulling him where he dragged behind his fireteam into a dusty alleyway. By the time he stopped his gaze from swimming, he was already pressed tight against the wall, still warm in the setting sun from where the rock cooked under the heat during the day. The Vanguard would be pretty ashamed if he died here by such sloppy, reckless work. It wasn't luck that made Soxkt not get mugged or be killed though. Luck had no control over him.

Drifter dug the palm of his hand hard over Soxkt's mouth. "Don't scream." He whispered, eyes sparkling far too bright in joy at his little trick. He was partially wrapped in what Soxkt assumed to have been a tapestry sold at one of the booths lining the walls of the Tower's bazaar, tucked and folded in such a way to owe the Drifter a hood and a bit of fabric he pulled down to reveal the lower half of his face grinning. It was strange to see him adorned in royal colors, deep gem tones and thin lines of gold, but it seemed to suit him.

Soxkt glanced towards where he saw the backs of his fireteam, blissfully continuing their walk, before losing them in the gentle waves of shopping civilians blocking his view. Once certain of their secrecy, Soxkt unfroze and wrenched the Drifter's wrist away, glaring daggers while signed. "You have a funny way of saying hello."

"Ah, c'mon, I just wanted to see ya without causin' a fuss. Your fireteam likes to get awful involved in our business after all." Drifter growled low, snaking his hand around Soxkt's waist, leaning one arm over his head against the wall. Soxkt was still pouting but his limbs moved on their own, wrapping behind the Drifter's neck, letting his back arch to keep the distance between them minimal.

It’d been a while since they’d seen each other, last time being the exchange of a certain shotgun. Soxkt’s mind was constantly filled lately and for once, he couldn't find a spot in it that allowed the Drifter to snake his way in. All he could think about was what his fireteam had done that week and what was promised to come soon. It was shameful to admit but it was the most ‘Guardian’ he had felt in a long, long time. He holed himself up lately in the clan hall, buried under readings recommended by Ikora and the Praxic Order who clung to his enthusiasm with reckless abandon, even through their gritted suspicion of him. This excursion to the Dreaming City was his first time he managed to pull himself out. The Dreaming City, whether he liked it or not, enjoyed keeping permanent residence in his brain. There was always time to confront that portion of his past.

Drifter hummed in satisfaction at the Awoken's easy to crack interior, cradling the small of Soxkt's back adoringly. "Didn't expect to get pulled into your head this morning when I woke up. Nice surprise. I’ve always wanted to see how you worked that cursed city over. What were you wishin' for to get me over there?" Drifter murmured, rubbing his beard against Soxkt's cheek, smile widening as he watched the Guardian sink his teeth into his bottom lip to prevent himself from smiling.

“Wished for...a friend." He said softly, keeping his eyes turned away.

“Yeah? That the kinda wish a dragon like her could grant? Am I the best friend you got in this crazy universe?"

"The worst."

"Oh you break my heart, baby." and Drifter closed the miniscule distance between them. 

At some point in their heated clandestine moment, Soxkt stuck his hand under the Drifter's makeshift hood, tugging on the short hair that stuck out along the back of Drifter's neck. "Stay out of...my head." He breathed.

Drifter groaned, fingers squeezing. "That Ahamkara didn't give me much choice. Why? Scared of what I'm gonna find? What you hidin'?"

"Hiding things...this body doesn’t even remember." The raw truth of those words was lost in the fading sunlight around them, buried beneath a hushed and greedy embrace.

"You were a joy to watch in there, honey." Drifter gasped out, feeding himself on the way Soxkt trembled against him when he whispered in his ear. "And a terror. My one man army...The Vanguard don't give you nearly enough credit for your skill. You're too damn humble. Get a pay raise."

Soxkt pressed a hand into the Drifter's chest, easing him back. "Did you...pull me away...just to praise me?"

"Do I seem like I got the time for that? Nah, I got somethin' to say, somethin' important, just give me another minute..." Drifter hurriedly grumbled and Soxkt finally broke, grinning into the second kiss pushed onto him.

Drifter kept his word though and eventually they pulled apart, breathing in time, looking at each other and eventually out at the waves of people milling about, Guardians and civilians alike, an alien world to them both for very different reasons. 

"I didn't want to pry too much considerin' I got the feeling all your little friends could hear me in your head but...You and this Ahamkara...it's serious, ain't it?" Drifter broke through their silent bubble and Soxkt looked away from the crowd, watching the Drifter watch the world walk by them.

"Jealous?" Soxkt teased, moving Drifter's face back towards his with a finger on his chin. Drifter grabbed his wrist and placed it back against the wall, firmly. The shadow cast over his face by the hood and setting sun only deepened the frown lines on his face.

"I'm not foolin', kid. You don't know what you're gettin' in bed with, not with the Awoken and not with that wish granting freak. Hell, I'm not even fully sure I get what you're dealin' with just yet. But what I do know, what I’ve seen this kinda thing do to others..." He interrupted himself with a coarse laugh. "Ha, shit. You're going around putting gods in the dirt on the daily and yet I can't help but worry now! Just a little. Should tell ya somethin'."

Soxkt pulled his hand free and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling himself slip over the edge into memories he was already tired of replaying these last few hours. The raid was taking a toll on him from the inside out. The weight of the Dreaming City's eyes held him low on their own. On top of running through there, guns blazing, tempted by voices of the alive and dead, trying to break a curse that expanded so much longer than anyone on his fireteam understood…

He didn't want to admit that the Drifter's voice, that wish he made in secret that brought them together in that place, was what pushed him to perform so well. He didn't want to admit how the Drifter's voice cutting through the alluring Riven's whispers kept him sane. He didn't want to admit that the Drifter's concern lit him inside like a candle in the winter. It wasn’t his first time in that city nor his first time staring down the barrel of Riven’s mouth but it was the first time he got out not feeling like he’d left something important behind.

A cold wind crept through the alley and Soxkt shivered, enough of a chill to drag him from ruminating. He tilted his head up, forcing eye contact with the Drifter. "You told me to be careful when I was in there." He said barely above a whisper, as if speaking the words out loud would get him laughed out of the Tower by Drifter himself.

The Drifter averted his gaze. "Yeah, I know I already said it. But I gotta make sure you get it through that thick head of yours before you start thinkin' about anything else. You’re makin’ a lot of folks look at you twice. The Nine, the Awoken, all my buddies...you’re drawing in too much heat. Somethings, brother, you just ain't gonna be able to pull a one-two on. Somethings...take something more that maybe we don't got yet." Drifter's voice dripped with concern like a dam near bursting. Soxkt felt his chest ache and the childish urge came to wrap his arms around the weary man and rock him like a child, right here, right now, in this barely concealed alleyway. Rock him until he slept, slept off even a little bit of whatever he carried.

Soxkt cradled Drifter's face in his hands, thumbs brushing at his stubble, his scars, his cold cheeks that this flimsy hood couldn't protect. "Don't worry about me. I got this." He said gently, which was his way of saying "I would dedicate this life and all of ones to come to taking a little bit of your pain back to the grave with me." even though Drifter couldn't have heard that, wouldn't have been able to hear it even if Soxkt said as much. He wondered how Drifter would react if he told him about his new adventures gallivanting through time. The Traveler could only guess the kind of eyes that would bring on him.

The Drifter heard something else in the Guardian’s comforting words that made his eyes blink and hold Soxkt's wrists in his hands. "Dangerous..." He said to nothing in particular, pulling the wrists away slowly, and Soxkt did his best to not resist, even though his fingers stretched, body aching with something his heart hadn't caught up to yet. 

"You're more than crazy, hotshot. You're a lunatic. But you haven't been wrong yet. Or your clan, for that matter. In fact, I'm getting sick of you being so right. Let an old man worry though. Just for the hell of it. Gives me somethin' to do while I'm stuck in that basement." Drifter pinched his cheek, plastering back on his sleazy grin, and Soxkt felt some lonely frustration flicker inside him as he roughly knocked the hand away.

"Don't you trust me?"

They both flinched at the words and as though the Traveler were watching itself, the moment snapped. A cry of Soxkt's name came in the distance as a flock of birds scattered at the footsteps of Sigurd pounding the pavement. Soxkt's head whipped around, knowing Sigurd's eye was far too sharp to miss him here. In an attempt to salvage everything, Soxkt turned back to the Drifter with an apology in his mouth but the Drifter had already pulled himself back into the cloth, skittering back down into the shadows of the alley, silently rounding a corner that led to the back of the bazaar's booths.

It was almost a year. And neither one had learned how to say goodbye yet. Soxkt didn’t even get a chance to linger on the disappointment though. Already, his mind was back on Saint, pulled far away into a pocket of time he couldn’t seem to unstick himself from. Soxkt wondered if everything was just like the mythical Titan’s ward of dawn; trapped inside, safe and blind to what was coming for him.


End file.
